A Wake-Up Call

It's been awhile since I've last written down any notes. In the past few months I've hardly found anything worth writing about. Perhaps its because I was looking at all the wrong things. All that changed with my wake-up call at 3AM today.

I went to bed early last night. Most likely because my body was too tired. What with all the things I've been doing the past few days. I've had so much to drink the past few days that I think last night my body finally told me it was time to give it a rest.

Sleeping early naturally results in waking up early (at least for me). As such, I found myself wide awake on or around 3:00 AM this morning. With the rains pouring thunder and lightning cracking I found it hard to get back to sleep. I then decided to open the computer and check my mails, FB and maybe even play a short game to help put me back to sleep.

When I opened FB, I realized it was the birthday of a couple of my friends. I then found myself trying to think of a clever thing to say as a greeting for these celebrators. However, try as might I found it hard to come up with anything which is rare for me. As I continued to ponder on what to say, I was suddenly reminded of a blessing verse that I read way, way, way back (when I still used to read my bible every morning). It was the blessing in the book of Numbers Chapter 6 verses 24-26. I remembered the gist of the verse, but for the life of me could not recall the exact words. With that I casually opened my bible again (dusty from misuse).

It was while I was searching for the chapter and verse that it hit me. All of a sudden I felt like I was struck a strong blow in my tummy. I felt the wind and breath getting knocked out of me and was suddenly a bit nauseous. I've taken blows before and I normally recover quickly. So I paused for awhile thinking that it was just a really bad spasm because of all the alcohol I've taken the past few days. But the pain didn't leave. It grew and grew stronger. As I was reading the verses it almost became intolerable. But I was able to write them down and send out the greetings.

At this point it was really getting worse. I didn't want to wake anyone else in the house so I just lay back down on my bed thinking it would go away. This was going on for a several minutes now and the pain was such that I was already crying silently while tossing and turning and curling up in my bed. This was not like a blow to the stomach. That I could take. It was different. It felt as if there was a hand inside my tummy trying to pull my insides out.

It was out of desperation that I silently cried out to God for help. I slipped to the side of my bed and got on my knees and in tears cried out to God to help me and take away the pain. It was while I was in this state that I started having flashes of all the wrong things I've been doing (not just for the past few days but for a looong time now). I suddenly felt a flood of fear, shame and helplessness as I was crying out to God. But my cry had changed. It was no longer a cry for relief but rather a cry for forgiveness.

I don't know how long this lasted. I think I might have fallen asleep. I found myself getting knocked back into consciousness with the sound of our dog barking outside. When I finally woke, the pain was gone. I really don't know what to make of this experience. All I know is that through this I was reminded of how long it has been since I've opened His word, gotten on my knees and sincerely cried out to Him.

More than that, I was again reminded of His faithfulness and power to deliver. Suddenly old passages that I used to memorize came flooding back. I remembered how David in Psalm 51 cried out to God to cleanse him of his sins. I remembered God forgiving the Israelites in Isa:44:22 where He says "I have wiped out your transgressions like a thick cloud, and your sins like a heavy mist. Return to me for I have redeemed you."

It was then that I began to pray and ask God to:

"Let there never be any doubt in my heart that You forgive even to the uttermost, unceasingly and lovingly to all of us humble enough to draw ourselves back to You; Thank You Father that because of Your faithfulness to forgive and the power of the blood of Jesus we may once again experience the joy of Your salvation."

I hope that I never have to go through the same wake-up call again. And as I end this note, allow me to share with you the blessing from the Book of Numbers that started all this in the first place. Numbers 6:24-26

24 “The LORD bless you

and keep you;

25 the LORD make his face shine on you

and be gracious to you;

26 the LORD turn his face toward you

and give you peace.”’