The Secret to Obtaining God's Provision

1 Kings 17:1-24

¹ Now Elijah the Tishbite, from Tishbe^[a] in Gilead, said to Ahab, “As the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, whom I serve, there will be neither dew nor rain in the next few years except at my word.”

² Then the word of the LORD came to Elijah: ³ “Leave here, turn eastward and hide in the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan. ⁴ You will drink from the brook, and I have directed the ravens to supply you with food there.” ⁵ So he did what the LORD had told him. He went to the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan, and stayed there. ⁶ The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook.⁷ Some time later the brook dried up because there had been no rain in the land. ⁸ Then the word of the LORD came to him: ⁹ “Go at once to Zarephath in the region of Sidon and stay there. I have directed a widow there to supply you with food.” ¹⁰ So he went to Zarephath. When he came to the town gate, a widow was there gathering sticks. He called to her and asked, “Would you bring me a little water in a jar so I may have a drink?” ¹¹ As she was going to get it, he called, “And bring me, please, a piece of bread.”

¹² “As surely as the LORD your God lives,” she replied, “I don’t have any bread—only a handful of flour in a jar and a little olive oil in a jug. I am gathering a few sticks to take home and make a meal for myself and my son, that we may eat it—and die.”

¹³ Elijah said to her, “Don’t be afraid. Go home and do as you have said. But first make a small loaf of bread for me from what you have and bring it to me, and then make something for yourself and your son. ¹⁴ For this is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: ‘The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the LORD sends rain on the land.’”

¹⁵ She went away and did as Elijah had told her. So there was food every day for Elijah and for the woman and her family. ¹⁶ For the jar of flour was not used up and the jug of oil did not run dry, in keeping with the word of the LORD spoken by Elijah.

¹⁷ Some time later the son of the woman who owned the house became ill. He grew worse and worse, and finally stopped breathing. ¹⁸ She said to Elijah, “What do you have against me, man of God? Did you come to remind me of my sin and kill my son?”

¹⁹ “Give me your son,” Elijah replied. He took him from her arms, carried him to the upper room where he was staying, and laid him on his bed. ²⁰ Then he cried out to the LORD, “LORD my God, have you brought tragedy even on this widow I am staying with, by causing her son to die?” ²¹ Then he stretched himself out on the boy three times and cried out to the LORD, “LORD my God, let this boy’s life return to him!”

²² The LORD heard Elijah’s cry, and the boy’s life returned to him, and he lived. ²³ Elijah picked up the child and carried him down from the room into the house. He gave him to his mother and said, “Look, your son is alive!”

²⁴ Then the woman said to Elijah, “Now I know that you are a man of God and that the word of the LORD from your mouth is the truth.”

Reflections on 1 Kings 17

Elijah first had to obey by announcing the drought and by going to the Kerith Ravine before experiencing God's provision. The widow first had to obey Elijah by making him a loaf of bread before God replenished her stock of flour and oil.

Interestingly, oftentimes I fall into the trap of asking God to provide first what I want/need before I go out in obedience. I've come to realize that this lack of faith is what prevents me from experiencing His miracles and breakthroughs.

For Peter to experience the miracle of walking on water, he first had to obey Jesus by stepping out of the boat, then he had to fix his own eyes on Jesus so that he could continue walking on water. The moment he lost his focus, he started to sink.

The widow in 1 Kings 17 first had to obey and give up what she was holding onto before experiencing God's grace through a miraculous provision. Jesus first had to suffer on the cross on our behalf, so that we could experience God's grace and be saved.

If we are waiting on God's provision and it seems long in coming, maybe its about time we ask ourselves if there are things / areas in our life that we need to surrender completely to God.

My Future Wife

Proverbs 31:10-31 The Perfect Wife

10 ^[a]A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Father, thank You that You are who You are. You are sovereign. So much so that even in the tiniest details of our lives You are there. Not only are our days numbered by You, even the smallest hair on our head will not fall without You knowing. Thank You for preparing and preserving the best lifetime partner for me. I pray that You prepare and preserve me as well that I may be Your best for her.

Praising God in The Midst of A Storm

I'm one of those persons who love the rain. I love how it has a way of cooling and refreshing me and making everything look brand new afterwards. Most of all, I love the rainbow that often comes after the rain. But sometimes the rain has has a way of turning itself into a storm. If you are facing storms in your life now, may you be encouraged by the lyrics of this song.

Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms (Casting Crowns)

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Father, open my eyes that I may learn to look beyond the rain and look forward to the rainbows that you send after. I choose to praise You in the storm!

How To Face Your Giants

Would you recognize a giant if you ever faced or came across one? I'm sure most if not all of us would say yes. After all, how hard can it be? Right?

Wrong. I'm not talking about physical giants. I'm talking about those giants that we as Christians face on a daily basis. They can be circumstances, things, people, habits, emotions, etc. that are hindering us from walking with our Lord and living a fearless and victorious Christian life. I discovered some amazing insights this morning as I was reading 1 Samuel 17:37-50 and these are what I'd like to share. 1 Samuel 17 is a vivid account of the day when Goliath and the Philistines were defeated by the Israelites. The story of David and Goliath.

What can giants (circumstances, things, people, habits, emotions, etc. that hinder us from following God) do to us? The same thing Goliath did to Saul and the whole Israelite army. It paralyzed them. They were too afraid to move or even fight. The giants in our own lives have the same effect. We become afraid of facing them. We become temporarily paralyzed and unable to live out the victorious and abundant Christian life that Jesus promised us (John 10:10)

As such, our growth as Christians is delayed /slowed down. Not stopped or stunted but merely slowed down because I am confident that He who began a good work in all of us will be faithful to complete it (Philippians 1:6). We have Jesus to thank for that now. Back then, the Israelites had David.

As I was going through the chapter, I could not help but be amazed at the courage David had. Seasoned warriors were quaking in their boots, paralyzed by fear and yet here was a frail young shepherd with more than enough courage for a whole army. I want to have that kind of courage, don't you? The next question then is where did it come from and how did David get it?

David's courage could have only come from God. Many times in the passage we find this to be true whenever he says that Goliath was "taunting God" or "fighting the armies of the living God". It wasn't between David and Goliath. David was but a necessary instrument to accomplish God's will. David knew this and this was the foundation of his courage. The foundation of his courage comes from knowing what side he is on and who his commander-in-chief is. He is on the side of the living God.

As Christians facing the giants in our own lives, we are on the same side as David was. We are on the side of the one, true and living God. In fact, we have become His children and heirs by adoption (John 1:12; Galatians 4:6-7). I've come to realize that whenever I need courage to face the giants in my life, the first thing I need to do is remind myself of my relationship with God--my Father. After all, if God is for us, who can be against us? (Rom. 8:31). Only then can I find the strength to face my giants. By coming to my knees and confessing to my God that there still are "giants" in my life and I need his forgiveness, strength and courage to face and overcome them.

Now we know where we to get our courage from. The next interesting part of the passage that struck me and that I would like to share is in verse 37. After David bravely agreed to face the giant Goliath, the people around him (Saul) doubted that he could do it and to an extent we could even say that they ridiculed him. This morning as I read, David's response in verse 37 I shuddered and water started welling up in my eyes, a lump formed in my throat and eventually tears rolled down my face. Allow me to quote a portion of verse 37: "And David said, "The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear, He will deliver from the hand of this Philistine..."

What a statement of faith! Not far from the statement that Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego made in Daniel 3:17-18.

I am moved to tears because David's example reminds me to draw courage and have faith from the countless times in the past where I experienced God's own power and faithfulness in my life.

This reminds me that courage and faith must always go together. Faith is strengthened when we call to mind / remember the faithfulness of God to us. How he has delivered us and worked miracles and blessed us in the past.

In facing up to the giants in our lives there will be times when we will have doubt, be discouraged by others, ridiculed even. When this happens Christian, TAKE HEART AND HAVE FAITH! For other men of God have faced the same challenge and overcome. What an honor and privilege it is to stand on the same battleground where they stood.

So if you are facing or about to face giants in your life today, stand fast. Stand tall. Stand proud. Take heart. You are in the ranks of the great men and women of God and God is powerful and faithful to deliver and give you the victory!

Christian Depression Stoppers

I am re-posting this from a website that was referred to me. This is from Guidelines International Ministries and the site with the link is posted below.

This is the first of a five article series on how Christians can fight feeling sad / depressed. Depression and all the emotions associated with it (anger, bitterness, loneliness, frustration, etc.) can render us ineffective for the work that our heavenly Father has set out for us to do. The wonderful principles discussed in this series help equip us to fight the big "D".

If you need a copy please email me (ralphtupaz@gmail.com) and I'll send you one (112kb) or download the .pdf directly from the site.

The principles are wonderful! Even greater is that whether or not you are undergoing depression, these are basic truths that every believer in Christ should remember.

*Thank you to the CCF-Alabang Singles Ministry for sharing the link with me.*

Depression Stopper#1: Know Who You Are In Relation to Your Heavenly Father

Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. John 1:12

Whenever I talk about the subject of depression, I never cease to be amazed at the number of people who respond by saying, "Yes, that's a picture of me. I don't know why I'm depressed but I am." And more times than not the letter or e-mail message will have some kind of a postscript saying something like, "By the way, I am a Christian and I know that I shouldn't be depressed, but I am, and then feel guilty because of it."

Analyzing some of those cries which come from way down deep, I can't help but feel that some of our dark moments could be avoided by understanding exactly what our relationship is with our heavenly Father, and how important we are to Him. One gentleman wrote saying that he had struggled with bouts of depression for thirty years, but then he found Christ as his personal Savior, which gave him new hope and helped him to overcome depression. That's how it should be. Knowing who you are can help you overcome depression. That's depression stopper #1: Knowing who you are--in relationship to your heavenly Father. Here's the foundation of that truth.

Do you remember the statement of John 1:12 that says, "Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God"? Here John says that your relationship with your heavenly Father is that of child with his paternal father. It is the picture of an orphan who has been adopted into a family and then becomes the heir of all the father possesses. Understanding the concept of adoption under Roman law helps even more, for under Roman law the adopted son had equal rights of inheritance with the children who had come into the family by natural birth.

Furthermore, under Roman law the past of the adopted individual was legally wiped out. If he had committed crimes, those crimes were absolved. When he received the name of his adopting father, he literally became a new person, with the past forever forgotten. Understanding that your past is forgiven and forgotten should help you deal with depression. When God forgives you, the past is wiped out forever. "As far as the east is from the west," wrote the Psalmist, "so far has he removed our transgressions from us" (Psalm 103:12). The east and the west never meet, so why allow yourself to become depressed over deeds which God has forgiven and thus will never be held against you?

Paul in Galatians 4 further developed the concept of adoption. Here he says God sent Christ, "to redeem them that were under the law, that we might receive the adoption of sons. And because ye are sons," says Paul, "God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who cries out, Abba, Father. So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir”(Galatians 4:6-7). The word Abba doesn't mean much to us today, but it does take on great significance when you understand that this Aramaic word was a term of great affection. Perhaps the closest equivalent is the expression, "daddy" or "papa." Nobody goes around calling just anyone "papa" or "daddy," yet this is the warmth and closeness of a relationship that can exist when we have become God's children.

As the adopted children of God, our heavenly Father wants us to grow and mature, yet when we fall, He will forgive us and help us up, just as our earthly fathers did when we were learning to walk. Friend, knowing who you are and what your relationship is to your heavenly Father really can be a great depression‑stopper. It's the first step towards healing and peace of mind and heart.

(Resource reading: Galatians 4:1-11).

Amazing right? I really should be focusing on other things right now but the Spirit moved me to re-post this. It's just too good not to share. I'm not sure if I'll be able to write anymore in the next few days/weeks but you can find the rest of the articles on this site : http://www.guidelines.org/feature/feature_depression_stoppers/feature_depression_stoppers.asp

So next time the world has got you down, don't trudge through life with your head bowed down or start looking around to find out where to get sympathy/compassion/affection. Instead, LOOK UP! Abba, is right there!

A Heart of Love

I knew it. It has finally come to this. The inevitable is at hand.

Its just as I feared. I am now finally going to write about a topic that I feel I know very little about--L-O-V-E. After several seasons of hopping in and out of meaningless casual relationships and a couple of serious relationships that blew up in my face I really consider myself ill-equipped to talk about love. If I had a loving and lovely wife or significant other in my life, I'd probably feel a little more equipped. But as it is, nope--for romantic love, at least.

So how in the world can I talk about a heart of love?

The heart of love I'm referring to is the heart of love that God wants me to have for others. Its the kind of love that Jesus spoke of when he said "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Notice that this is a pro-active command. It does not say do not do unto others as you would have them not do unto you (passive). Rather, it is active. It involves "us" initiating (doing) the love. Just as Christ did for us. (Romans 5:8)

How then do we grow an "active" heart of love? There are several steps. Allow me to elaborate on the first one for now.

Pride must be laid aside in our character. This is the first and most difficult step. Why? Simply, because we've been born into a cruel and judgmental world where we have been trained to use pride and ego as shields and weapons to protect us.

How then do I lay aside my pride? The application here for me is that I must always be ready to help and to aid, to comfort and to lead, with no thought for myself. Even if this means having to undergo some discomfort/awkwardness, do something I normally wouldn't do because of my status/rank/level/social class or even just preference, or even as simple as reaching out in compassion or affection to someone without the guarantee that it will be reciprocated; thus exposing me and causing myself to become vulnerable. These cannot be done without the laying aside of pride.

I must learn to see others as God sees them, with a heart of love and compassion.

I must remain humble and not judge the circumstances or character of people that God brings into my life--God alone is the judge. As a mere servant I am not qualified to do this (judge).

I must be willing to love and help everyone regardless of their circumstance or character. Easier said than done though. I'm sure you'll agree that its easy to love if most of the time you're surrounded by "lovable" people. But what about those not so "lovable" ones that work their way into your life? This is where I am often times tested by the Lord. As such I have to often remind myself that 1)no one is unworthy of love and help or beyond it because I serve a gracious God with whom nothing is impossible 2)and more importantly, I have to remember that it is God alone who chooses the persons that He wants to bring into our lives (lovable or otherwise) therefore: if they are there in your life now God chose them to be there and they are worthy of all your love, help, aid, comfort and leadership.

God is sovereign. By His grace, love and power that was demonstrated in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ we now live guarded lives as Christians. In a guarded life there are no accidents, no chance happenings, nothing wasted. The people God allows in our lives, whether lovable or otherwise, are worthy and deserving of our love. They are divine appointments set by God for us--let's make the most of these appointments by responding to them with a heart of love.

Peace and Quiet at Last

It has been an eventful week for me. Several times throughout the week I've had to seek shelter from all the things this world was throwing at me (work pressures, relationship pressures, weariness, anxiety, loneliness, etc.) In all of this there were three passages in Scripture that I claimed and clung on to. The letter that I've written below is my own interpretation of what God has reminded me of as I meditated on these passages (Psalm 18:2, Psalm 71:1 and Proverbs 30:5).

My Dearest Child,

You have settled down into a peaceful niche with Me, your Lord. Do not leave it! This is your place of refuge and strength, no matter how the winds blow outside. You are safe here with Me. Let this contentment, this peace, this joy in My presence remain with you all the days of your life. This place of peace is your refuge here on earth and your crowning glory in the life to come. Picture it as you will--whatever your soul and the depths of your being desires--that is what I am to you. Whatever gives your heart peace and strength and power and joy--that is the place I have prepared for you each day as you come and spend time with Me. I am your Rock of Refuge, Your Place of Peace. Rest here in Me, my child. How I love you!

God

On Knowing God

"The people that do know their God shall be strong."
Daniel 11:32

Every believer understands that to know God is the highest and best form of knowledge; and this spiritual knowledge is a source of strength to the Christian. It strengthens his faith. Believers are constantly spoken of in the Scriptures as being persons who are enlightened and taught of the Lord; they are said to "have an unction from the Holy One," and it is the Spirit's peculiar office to lead them into all truth, and all this for the increase and the fostering of their faith. Knowledge strengthens love, as well as faith. Knowledge opens the door, and then through that door we see our Saviour. Or, to use another similitude, knowledge paints the portrait of Jesus, and when we see that portrait then we love him, we cannot love a Christ whom we do not know, at least, in some degree.

If we know but little of the excellences of Jesus, what he has done for us, and what he is doing now, we cannot love him much; but the more we know him, the more we shall love him. Knowledge also strengthens hope.

How can we hope for a thing if we do not know of its existence? Hope may be the telescope, but till we receive instruction, our ignorance stands in the front of the glass, and we can see nothing whatsoever; knowledge removes the interposing object, and when we look through the bright optic glass we discern the glory to be revealed, and anticipate it with joyous confidence.

Knowledge supplies us with reasons for patience. How shall we have patience unless we know something of the sympathy and patience of Christ, and understand the good which is to come out of the correction which our heavenly Father sends us? Nor is there one single grace of the Christian which, under God, will not be fostered and brought to perfection by holy knowledge. How important, then, is it that we should grow not only in grace, but in the "knowledge" of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

"Non nobis Domine, non nobis. Sed Nomini tuo da gloriam!"

Would You Like to Know What the Future Holds?

If you're like me then I'm sure at one point in time or another you've wished for a glimpse of the future. In fact, there may have even been times past when the glimpse of that future could've spared you from some mistake or even hurt or heartache. I'm certain that there may have even been times when we might have prayed to God to give us these glimpses. Yet sadly, this aspiration of ours remains in the realm of wishes.

This has often been a source of confusion for me as a Christian. I have always believed in the omniscience of God. But initially, I could not reconcile His omniscience with a seeming indifference to my situation. With that in mind, I would sometimes end up asking myself questions like: "why? why didn't He tell me that that was going to happen?" "why didn't He show me a "sign" that he/she would not be good for me?""or that "this was the wrong company to join or wrong career to take"."why? I would often ask myself?""why allow us to go through seemingly needless suffering, heartache, pain, or at the very least-anxiety?"

In struggling for the answer to this I've had to look back on my life. Specifically during those times I felt that I was experiencing difficult things, situations, struggles on my own and not having enough strength to go "through" them. The times when I would find myself asking the question:"Lord, how much longer? Lord, How much more of this?". Those times when a glimpse of the future or of a solution to situation, deliverance, etc would have given me so much comfort and relief. That much sought after glimpse never came. The solution did-eventually.

The only comfort I had during those times were His promises and His faithfulness. In times of uncertainty, I've found these two to be the sturdiest handholds and footholds a Christian could ever hope for. Promises found in His word and memories of previous times when He has demonstrated His faithfulness to me. You see going through those difficult and uncertain situations wherein my own strengths were not enough to save me taught me one very precious truth. The truth is that God is and will always be faithful to His promises and He has more than enough power and authority to make sure that all His promises are kept.

If so, then why did He not just reveal His awesome power and faithfulness right away and spared us the anxiety, the uncertainty etc.?

Through my own experience I have come to believe that God chooses to reveal Himself to us progressively. This progressive revelation of His faithfulness and power allows us to enjoy deeper fellowship with Him specially in those times when we are at our weakest.

It's pretty much like how David describes it in the Psalms. "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet". Walking with a lamp by your feet won't allow you to take great strides. With the lamp by our feet we only have enough light to take it one step at a time. Each step we take along the path becomes more purposeful and careful and as such even more meaningful. But the beauty of it is that in the end, as Christians, all these steps we take lead to Him.

So would I still like to know WHAT the future holds? The lesson I'm learning is that as a Christian I really don't need to know WHAT the future holds. All I need to remind myself of is WHO holds my future. :)

A Wake-Up Call

It's been awhile since I've last written down any notes. In the past few months I've hardly found anything worth writing about. Perhaps its because I was looking at all the wrong things. All that changed with my wake-up call at 3AM today.

I went to bed early last night. Most likely because my body was too tired. What with all the things I've been doing the past few days. I've had so much to drink the past few days that I think last night my body finally told me it was time to give it a rest.

Sleeping early naturally results in waking up early (at least for me). As such, I found myself wide awake on or around 3:00 AM this morning. With the rains pouring thunder and lightning cracking I found it hard to get back to sleep. I then decided to open the computer and check my mails, FB and maybe even play a short game to help put me back to sleep.

When I opened FB, I realized it was the birthday of a couple of my friends. I then found myself trying to think of a clever thing to say as a greeting for these celebrators. However, try as might I found it hard to come up with anything which is rare for me. As I continued to ponder on what to say, I was suddenly reminded of a blessing verse that I read way, way, way back (when I still used to read my bible every morning). It was the blessing in the book of Numbers Chapter 6 verses 24-26. I remembered the gist of the verse, but for the life of me could not recall the exact words. With that I casually opened my bible again (dusty from misuse).

It was while I was searching for the chapter and verse that it hit me. All of a sudden I felt like I was struck a strong blow in my tummy. I felt the wind and breath getting knocked out of me and was suddenly a bit nauseous. I've taken blows before and I normally recover quickly. So I paused for awhile thinking that it was just a really bad spasm because of all the alcohol I've taken the past few days. But the pain didn't leave. It grew and grew stronger. As I was reading the verses it almost became intolerable. But I was able to write them down and send out the greetings.

At this point it was really getting worse. I didn't want to wake anyone else in the house so I just lay back down on my bed thinking it would go away. This was going on for a several minutes now and the pain was such that I was already crying silently while tossing and turning and curling up in my bed. This was not like a blow to the stomach. That I could take. It was different. It felt as if there was a hand inside my tummy trying to pull my insides out.

It was out of desperation that I silently cried out to God for help. I slipped to the side of my bed and got on my knees and in tears cried out to God to help me and take away the pain. It was while I was in this state that I started having flashes of all the wrong things I've been doing (not just for the past few days but for a looong time now). I suddenly felt a flood of fear, shame and helplessness as I was crying out to God. But my cry had changed. It was no longer a cry for relief but rather a cry for forgiveness.

I don't know how long this lasted. I think I might have fallen asleep. I found myself getting knocked back into consciousness with the sound of our dog barking outside. When I finally woke, the pain was gone. I really don't know what to make of this experience. All I know is that through this I was reminded of how long it has been since I've opened His word, gotten on my knees and sincerely cried out to Him.

More than that, I was again reminded of His faithfulness and power to deliver. Suddenly old passages that I used to memorize came flooding back. I remembered how David in Psalm 51 cried out to God to cleanse him of his sins. I remembered God forgiving the Israelites in Isa:44:22 where He says "I have wiped out your transgressions like a thick cloud, and your sins like a heavy mist. Return to me for I have redeemed you."

It was then that I began to pray and ask God to:

"Let there never be any doubt in my heart that You forgive even to the uttermost, unceasingly and lovingly to all of us humble enough to draw ourselves back to You; Thank You Father that because of Your faithfulness to forgive and the power of the blood of Jesus we may once again experience the joy of Your salvation."

I hope that I never have to go through the same wake-up call again. And as I end this note, allow me to share with you the blessing from the Book of Numbers that started all this in the first place. Numbers 6:24-26

24 “The LORD bless you

and keep you;

25 the LORD make his face shine on you

and be gracious to you;

26 the LORD turn his face toward you

and give you peace.”’